yes. im painfully aware of how dull and boring the past entries have been.



not too long ago.. i made a wish.

"i wish for an eternity to heaven and back.
that i could love you without giving a crap."

not too long after
im afraid it might be comming true.

you told me you said:
"girlfriend aku belikan"

i laughed it off.

you seem to want me to meet all your friends.

i havent told a soul about you besides mai and dilah.

you've told me:
"i love you"
one too many times.

i havent said it. not even once.

but you havent seemed to notice.

because once upon a very long time ago, i told you:
"i dont have to say 'i love you' to prove to you that i do"


i dont know how to react.
i dont know what to do.
im taking each day as it passes.
im enjoying my time with you.
but im not letting my guard down.
not just yet.




is it safe yet?..


is this for real?

Labels: That's what you get when you let your heart win

Vertical Horizon-You're a God

I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say

Never again no
No never again

'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now
It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow

Never again no
No never again

'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say

Never again no
No never again

'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

Labels: I hope I can find the words to say

Instructions : What you do is find out what each letter of your name means. Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its TRUE) &(Is'nt it GREAT !!). If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

R =You are a social butterfly.
O = You are very open-minded.
S = You are very broad-minded.
H =You are not judgmental.
I =You are always smiling and making others smile.
E =You are a very exciting person.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

Now you try!

A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople.
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E =You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H =You are not judgmental.
I =You are always smiling and making others smile.
J =Jealously
K =You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P =You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R =You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X = You never let people tell you what to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone

Labels: like awesome oh wow

Predictable

Something isn't rightI can feel it again feel it again
This isn't the first time
That you left me waiting
Sad excuses and false hopes high
I saw this coming still I don't know why
I let you in

I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

So take your empty words your broken promises
And all the time you stole cause I am done with this
I can give it away give it away
I'm doin everything I should've
And now I'm makin a change I'm living the day
I'm giving back what you gave me
I don't need anything

I knew it all along You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

Labels: you've let me down.

'now if you remember carefully..'

ok so what happens if im not careful enough?
god damn. lecturers should attend english courses.

shock shock gasp screams!!!!!!
i keep gettin myself deeper into this shit.
haha.

so am i still single and available?
god knows.
i feel like it.
so i must be it right?
uh huh.

i saw you for two days in a row.
as if that isnt a miracle in itself,
you sent me home the other night.
and i got panic attacks and kept goin

'huh?'
'i dont understand'
'wait. why are you here?'

yupp. it was that big a shock.
and unless you knew the story
you wouldnt understand.

its like being told that every theory you ever had was wrong.
like everything came to bite you in the arse.
haha uh huh.
that bad.

i mean. it wasnt a bad thing.
it was just a big big shock.
numsasaying?
ok im goin on and on with the guilty pleasures of rambling.

bye bye beautiful.
no really.
bye bye beautiful.
i din pay my bill.
and my line is suspended.
and suprisingly.
im pretty happy with that.
i can finally disappear in peace.
bye bye everyone.


no really.
byebye.

Labels: and then he said 'i love you'

words.
they have no meaning in them.
words are meaningless untill someone puts meaning in them.

i could just say i see a beautiful doll.
but omeone else could say there is no meaning in what i say.
for the doll has no beauty unless it it is felt by others too.

mean what you say. and say what you mean.
for otherwise, words dont mean a thing.

Labels: its only words.

counting down the days till i get to see you again.
seeing you seems to be the only thing i look foward to.
im screwing everything up.
come home soon.
sigh.



take these things off my mind.
it feels filthy.
it weighs a tonn.




'alah shiela, its better to stay single lah. singles still the best.'
unless of cos..
you could find a guy whos willing to get into a relationship with no strings attached.
but those relationships have its con's too.
you can't get emotionally attached to it.


haha. in my dreams, that actually might work.



i think i might disappear from everyone for awhile.
as in no reply when u msg, and no answer when you call.
that kinda disappear.
i need a break.
so goodbye.

Labels: i watched you cry and just walked away

dear i fear we're facing a problem.

yes. dear being you and me.
you being me. and me still refering to me.

today seemed completely unproductive.

i kept thinking of what i said to you.
i kept thinking if it was true.
i kept hearing your voice in my head.

i just wana shout at it and tell it to go away.


so how've you been?
i miss bestie's.
one's in camp. and the other, i just havent seen in a while.


so many thoughts in my head.
i dont even know what im typing.
talking round in circles amuses me.



goodbye.

i guess the disappearing act got tiring.
and blogging seems like fun all over again.

yesterday's outing was a blast.
yet everything about it seemed to suck.
i did all the wrong things. and said all the wrong words.
i got home feeling like i shouldnt have done it.
but later at night i did it again.
i confessed to you everything that was on my mind.
i told you that..


i hate it that i care about what my friends think of you.
i hate it that i enjoy myself when im with you.
i hate it that i cat get annoyed at you no matter how hard i try.
i hate it that i cant seem to ignore you.
i hate it that i always go looking for you.
i hate it that i cant stop thinking about you.
i hate it that i hate so many things about you.
i hate it that i cant tell you whats on my mind.
i hate not being brave enough to ask questions i want to know the answers to.
i hate it that i just cant seem to hate you.


but suddenly, its not that that im most afraid of.
cos i began to realise more:

i hate the things you do.
i hate not being able to understand why you still do it.
i hate myself for not giving it the benifit of the doubt.
i hate it that i know how i feel about you.
i hate it that i wont let myself think of the possibilities.
i hate it that i care about what they think.
i hate it that i care about them to not want to hurt them.
i hate it that i know the reason in the line above is not the reason why.
i hate this line: 'i told you so' cos should anything happen, i know they'd say it.
i hate it that i remind them not to let me do it.
i hate it that they think thats truely how i feel.
i hate it that i do it just to 'act tough'.
i hate it that im too afraid to let you in.
i hate it that i cant get over you.
i hate it that i have to leave you.
i hate it that i gave you so much hope.
i hate it that i had so much hope.
i hate it that i'm gona let 'us' fade away.
i hate me for letting it all slip away.
i hate being so fcuking aware of it.


the word hate has been used too many times in this entry.
i miss you already.
i wish you were here.
i wish i could see you.
i wish i was brave enough to take the risk.
i wish that you wouldnt give up.
i wish i didnt care of what anyone thought of me.
i wish tt my friends would let me make my own mistakes.
even if it means repeating it ten times before i got it right.
i wish they could see how happy i am when im with him.
i wish they knew what was on my mind.

i wish for an eternity to heaven and back.
that i could love you without giving a crap.

Labels: because i know you know

++15th december 1988
++i am small.

yes. im painfully aware of how dull and boring the past entries have been.



not too long ago.. i made a wish.

"i wish for an eternity to heaven and back.
that i could love you without giving a crap."

not too long after
im afraid it might be comming true.

you told me you said:
"girlfriend aku belikan"

i laughed it off.

you seem to want me to meet all your friends.

i havent told a soul about you besides mai and dilah.

you've told me:
"i love you"
one too many times.

i havent said it. not even once.

but you havent seemed to notice.

because once upon a very long time ago, i told you:
"i dont have to say 'i love you' to prove to you that i do"


i dont know how to react.
i dont know what to do.
im taking each day as it passes.
im enjoying my time with you.
but im not letting my guard down.
not just yet.




is it safe yet?..


is this for real?

Labels: That's what you get when you let your heart win

Vertical Horizon-You're a God

I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say

Never again no
No never again

'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now
It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow

Never again no
No never again

'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say

Never again no
No never again

'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

Labels: I hope I can find the words to say

Instructions : What you do is find out what each letter of your name means. Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its TRUE) &(Is'nt it GREAT !!). If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

R =You are a social butterfly.
O = You are very open-minded.
S = You are very broad-minded.
H =You are not judgmental.
I =You are always smiling and making others smile.
E =You are a very exciting person.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

Now you try!

A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople.
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E =You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H =You are not judgmental.
I =You are always smiling and making others smile.
J =Jealously
K =You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P =You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R =You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X = You never let people tell you what to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone

Labels: like awesome oh wow

Predictable

Something isn't rightI can feel it again feel it again
This isn't the first time
That you left me waiting
Sad excuses and false hopes high
I saw this coming still I don't know why
I let you in

I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

So take your empty words your broken promises
And all the time you stole cause I am done with this
I can give it away give it away
I'm doin everything I should've
And now I'm makin a change I'm living the day
I'm giving back what you gave me
I don't need anything

I knew it all along You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

Labels: you've let me down.

'now if you remember carefully..'

ok so what happens if im not careful enough?
god damn. lecturers should attend english courses.

shock shock gasp screams!!!!!!
i keep gettin myself deeper into this shit.
haha.

so am i still single and available?
god knows.
i feel like it.
so i must be it right?
uh huh.

i saw you for two days in a row.
as if that isnt a miracle in itself,
you sent me home the other night.
and i got panic attacks and kept goin

'huh?'
'i dont understand'
'wait. why are you here?'

yupp. it was that big a shock.
and unless you knew the story
you wouldnt understand.

its like being told that every theory you ever had was wrong.
like everything came to bite you in the arse.
haha uh huh.
that bad.

i mean. it wasnt a bad thing.
it was just a big big shock.
numsasaying?
ok im goin on and on with the guilty pleasures of rambling.

bye bye beautiful.
no really.
bye bye beautiful.
i din pay my bill.
and my line is suspended.
and suprisingly.
im pretty happy with that.
i can finally disappear in peace.
bye bye everyone.


no really.
byebye.

Labels: and then he said 'i love you'

words.
they have no meaning in them.
words are meaningless untill someone puts meaning in them.

i could just say i see a beautiful doll.
but omeone else could say there is no meaning in what i say.
for the doll has no beauty unless it it is felt by others too.

mean what you say. and say what you mean.
for otherwise, words dont mean a thing.

Labels: its only words.

counting down the days till i get to see you again.
seeing you seems to be the only thing i look foward to.
im screwing everything up.
come home soon.
sigh.



take these things off my mind.
it feels filthy.
it weighs a tonn.




'alah shiela, its better to stay single lah. singles still the best.'
unless of cos..
you could find a guy whos willing to get into a relationship with no strings attached.
but those relationships have its con's too.
you can't get emotionally attached to it.


haha. in my dreams, that actually might work.



i think i might disappear from everyone for awhile.
as in no reply when u msg, and no answer when you call.
that kinda disappear.
i need a break.
so goodbye.

Labels: i watched you cry and just walked away

dear i fear we're facing a problem.

yes. dear being you and me.
you being me. and me still refering to me.

today seemed completely unproductive.

i kept thinking of what i said to you.
i kept thinking if it was true.
i kept hearing your voice in my head.

i just wana shout at it and tell it to go away.


so how've you been?
i miss bestie's.
one's in camp. and the other, i just havent seen in a while.


so many thoughts in my head.
i dont even know what im typing.
talking round in circles amuses me.



goodbye.

i guess the disappearing act got tiring.
and blogging seems like fun all over again.

yesterday's outing was a blast.
yet everything about it seemed to suck.
i did all the wrong things. and said all the wrong words.
i got home feeling like i shouldnt have done it.
but later at night i did it again.
i confessed to you everything that was on my mind.
i told you that..


i hate it that i care about what my friends think of you.
i hate it that i enjoy myself when im with you.
i hate it that i cat get annoyed at you no matter how hard i try.
i hate it that i cant seem to ignore you.
i hate it that i always go looking for you.
i hate it that i cant stop thinking about you.
i hate it that i hate so many things about you.
i hate it that i cant tell you whats on my mind.
i hate not being brave enough to ask questions i want to know the answers to.
i hate it that i just cant seem to hate you.


but suddenly, its not that that im most afraid of.
cos i began to realise more:

i hate the things you do.
i hate not being able to understand why you still do it.
i hate myself for not giving it the benifit of the doubt.
i hate it that i know how i feel about you.
i hate it that i wont let myself think of the possibilities.
i hate it that i care about what they think.
i hate it that i care about them to not want to hurt them.
i hate it that i know the reason in the line above is not the reason why.
i hate this line: 'i told you so' cos should anything happen, i know they'd say it.
i hate it that i remind them not to let me do it.
i hate it that they think thats truely how i feel.
i hate it that i do it just to 'act tough'.
i hate it that im too afraid to let you in.
i hate it that i cant get over you.
i hate it that i have to leave you.
i hate it that i gave you so much hope.
i hate it that i had so much hope.
i hate it that i'm gona let 'us' fade away.
i hate me for letting it all slip away.
i hate being so fcuking aware of it.


the word hate has been used too many times in this entry.
i miss you already.
i wish you were here.
i wish i could see you.
i wish i was brave enough to take the risk.
i wish that you wouldnt give up.
i wish i didnt care of what anyone thought of me.
i wish tt my friends would let me make my own mistakes.
even if it means repeating it ten times before i got it right.
i wish they could see how happy i am when im with him.
i wish they knew what was on my mind.

i wish for an eternity to heaven and back.
that i could love you without giving a crap.

Labels: because i know you know

::abg affie::adi
::adilah::adillah
::althea::ara
::arif::clarabelle
::debo::fara
::fauzan::fendi
::kakak::kristy
::mae::maisarah
::nisa::nor
::nora::priya
::tanya::wani
::yenyi::yub
::zyanna


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